Transitioning from dreams to reality

More Beautiful than a Starry Night

In Uncategorized on April 15, 2010 at 10:29 pm

“Oh my gosh!” I think to myself as I rush out the door of my Thursday night women’s group. I am not ‘oh my goshing’ over the wander of the inspiring women I just spent three hours conversing with. No, I am ‘oh my goshing’ because I just spent three hours conversing with wonderful women while I should have been learning about Rothman’s model of locality development for my Community Development final that is less than 11 hours away. Despite the fact that it is late, I am tired, and need to be at home preparing for an exam that could potentially determine my future (always thinking about grad school), I decide to saunter up the street and gaze at the stars while reflecting on my time in group.

Tonight the sky is especially clear which makes the moment of intentional self-care easy. My eyes look to the dark blue canvas and have trouble deciding where to focus while my heart expands with anticipatory joy. “Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow!” I whisper. Thoughts develop as quickly as sparks flying off a roaring fire. The stars are beautiful and I feel like a child with a brand new box of gel pens – you know the ones with 50 colours – because I want to look at every single one, getting excited about the next before I open the first!

Standing in the middle of the quiet, familiar street, I am lost. The beauty of twinkling stars promises safety. It doesn’t matter if life is overwhelming or I don’t remember the definition of the word I have already forgotten that will be on tomorrow’s exam. The stars are so BEAUTIFUL! “What a perfect ending to an amazing night,” I smile. The topic in group tonight was beauty and the two questions that captivated my mind were:

1) What does beauty mean to me?

2) What about myself do I find beautiful?

My answers were full of life as I dove into the reality of my existence. God saved me! He brought me out of the pit and planted Truth within my heart. I have a passion burning that drives every choice, belief, action, and motive. Sometimes it is hard to contain my excitement; 60% of the time that I am awake I feel as though my entity is shaking with expectancy. There is Truth that needs to be communicated, lives that need to be set free, and hearts that need to be released to the One who created the ability to surrender!! Honoured and humbled by my position, I dream about the next moment of destiny’s embrace.

A star falls through the sky and I am reminded that beauty of this world is expected to be tangible. Dreams and passions can’t be measured, nor can people feel the bright colours of Power surging through my veins. Taking a deep breath, I try to ignore the lie that victoriously dictated my life for 20 years. “You are a fat disgrace and should hide before one more person has to look at you.” Standing in the middle of a deserted street, I choose to focus on the stars. Lies are lies and I understand the strength in replacing them with the Truth. Mechanically choosing the predetermined Truth, I whisper in desperation, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made and am the apple of my Creator’s eye. I choose to believe that the One who set me free has made me free and I will NOT be dictated by the powers of darkness.”

Satisfied with victory over my moment of weakness, I intentionally look back at the stars. An umbrella of tangible beauty. “Wow,” I am in awe that God created these beautiful fireballs to brighten my night. Walking to my car, I hear a whisper in my spirit, “the stars are amazing, but they aren’t beautiful enough for me to be in relationship with.”

I was created more beautiful than a starry night?!

Forgetting my vow to ignore the importance of feeling tangibly validated, a tear rolls down my cheek.

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  1. Wow. “The stars are amazing, but they aren’t beautiful enough for me to be in relationship with.” Wow. Wow. Wow. Soooo God. Love it. That was another “diamond” moment.

    Ooooo, love your writing.

    Now: Go. To. Sleep!

  2. Yes maam, in bed right now, but I’m too excited to sleep.I hate when this happens! Dreaming before falling asleep poses a big dilemma in my life! Love u. K. Sleeping. Now. Xo

  3. I am SO glad He lead you to begin this blog. I can’t wait to see the beautiful ways He will speak through it.
    ”Walking to my car, I hear a whisper in my spirit, ”the stars are amazing, but they aren’t beautiful enough for me to be in relationship with.” I was created more beautiful than a starry night?! Forgetting my vow to ignore the importance of feeling tangibly validated, a tear rolls down my cheek.”
    Breath.
    struck.

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